Education and Maturity - Thoughts from Robert Greenleaf (Pt. 1)

On November 30, 1960, Robert Greenleaf gave a talk to faculty and students at Barnard College. In this talk, Greenleaf identified the four issues that need to be faced and dealt with as it relates to one's education and maturity.

In this post, I'll introduce the first of the four issues identified by Greenleaf. I will then share my thoughts about how this issue translates through the lens in which I view the world.

"The most important lesson I have learned about maturity is that the emergence, the full development, of what is uniquely me should be an important concern throughout my entire life" (p. 1-2).

"...the full development of what is uniquely me." This statement made me pause. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want people to think of after I have interacted with them? These are huge questions that, I would argue, many struggle with. At the same time, I would argue this is the main reason so many struggle with work/life balance...integration...whatever you want to call it. They don't know who they are at their core. What gives them energy? What gives them direction? Again, huge questions...and questions I feel we need to know. We must. If we want to live a fulfilled life, we have to know what fills our cup.

We see it all over...you are you...you are unique...be the best version of yourself. All of this talk and advice that supports this. Yet, how much effort are we actually putting into stopping....really stopping....thinking and answering what it is we want to be.

Greenleaf stated, "A friend of mine once said of his four year old son, 'his world is a six-foot sphere. He's in the center of it and moves it around with him wherever he goes.'" (p. 3).

Think about this. Our world is a six-foot sphere around us - we are the center - and it moves with us wherever we go. Greenleaf adds, "This, as I see it, is the central idea of maturity: to keep your private lamp lighted as you venture forth on your own to meet with triumph or disaster or just plain routine" (p. 3).

Greenleaf challenges us here when he says, "...keep your private lamp lighted..." What keeps your lamp lit? In those moments where you are run down, what keeps you moving? When things aren't going the way you want them to...what keeps you moving?

We all have a lamp inside of us. Have you identified what keeps your lamp glowing? If you still are not sure what I am getting at, I will bring in what Greenleaf says is our "uniqueness." What makes you unique? What makes you, you? and don't tell me nothing....we all have something. What is that for you? Greenleaf quotes Oscar Wilde saying, "Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future." How can your past inform who you are or want to be today?

As we navigate the world, we should be leveraging our lamp to guide us. If we aren't, then what is moving us along? Greenleaf makes the statement that we are all "conditioned by the world." Yes, I would argue that the environment we are within will heavily influence our actions in any situation. But how are we managing that influence? Is it leading us or is it something we are aware of?

So, what do we do with this? This is the essence of what Greenleaf is telling us in this talk. This is the challenge we all face. How do we navigate a world that moves faster that we can see all while accomplishing the expectations our environment puts in front of us while staying true to who we are?

The four issues that Greenleaf introduces include:

1. The consequences of stress and responsibility

2. The tension between the requirement to conform and the essential person

3. The struggle for significance - the complications of status, property, and achievement.

4. The requirements for growth, accepting some process for drawing forth one's uniqueness.

Let's dive into the first: The consequences of stress and responsibility.

"All work - whether in business, profession, government, home - both develops and limits." Life is hard. How do we stay true to ourself when we are trying to make ends meet. This is something that has taken many years for me to realize. When Lisa and I married - exactly 20 years ago on the writing of this post - we had no clue the challenges we would face. Outside of that, I didn't have a clue who I wanted to be. I thought I did...but, really, I didn't. Over the years, with Lisa being a stay at home to 5 kids, my focus was simply having enough money at the end of the month to pay rent, put gas in our car, and buy groceries. Some months we hit that, others we didn't. Regardless, as I look back over the past 20 years we have been married, I cannot identify a time where I made a decision to become a better version of myself. Sure, I took jobs because I was not happy where I was or I felt like I needed a change, but I was seeking. The stress and responsibility of being a single-income provider for my family of 7 was a lot. While I am thankful for the challenges we endured together, I find myself wondering how things may have been different if I would have understood who I wanted to be and followed that path.

Here's the reality - it doesn't matter. I made the choices I made and they made me who I am today. While I may think I wasn't following my light, maybe I was. As we know, we cannot change the past, all we can do is learn from it. As I sit here and think about what I am writing, I can honestly say I am SO thankful I did what I did so far in my professional career. Because of those challenges, I am who I am and I am where I am.

"The main reason you will ever be aware of a problem is that your understanding of yourself, of the other people involved, and of the area in which the problem lies is limited" (Greenleaf, p. 5).

So - who are you? How does the consequence of stress and responsibility affect you? Are you willing to stop - I mean, really....stop. - and think about who you are? If you knew what fueled your lamp and it has run out, are you willing to refill that lamp?

In my opinion, it doesn't matter if you are a high school student, college student, early-career professional, mid-career professional...you can light your lamp. It's not too late. It's never too late. Life is life. We all have responsibilities and we will all deal with stress. The challenge is whether or not we are willing to engage with that responsibility and stress through our flame.

These are just my thoughts. I am sure they will grow the more I spend reflecting on this. I'm sure there are other opinions on how we can apply Greenleaf's message - I welcome those thoughts. Let's learn together!

Regards,

Jason R. Weber, Ed.D.

Owner / Advisor

SLI Coaching and Consulting

Jason@slicoaching.net

806-507-2046

Greenleaf, R. (1960). Education and Maturity. A talk to Faculty and Students at Barnard College. November 30, 1960. The Robert K. Greenleaf Center.